GRIEF AND THE GLOBAL ECONOMIC CHALLENGEWritten by Patrick T. Malone on Friday, March 13, 2009
http://www.opentohope.com/grief-and-the-global-economic-challenge/
By Patrick Malone --
Technically, grief is the intense emotional suffering caused by a loss. If you are among those who have suffered the death of a child, spouse, parent or grandparent, you know an intense level of grief that is almost indescribable. There are many among us today who are dealing with grief due to a different kind of loss — the loss of a job, income or savings — and for them it may be the most intense loss they have experienced.
Over the last three decades, we have experienced unprecedented economic growth not only in the United States but around the globe. More than half of the US population has little or no recollection of the economic problems associated with the early 70’s.
The current meltdown of the global economy is creating the same type of intense emotions normally only associated with the loss of a loved one. Sadness, fear, anger, guilt, apathy — and “why me?” — are now as common as openness, interest, enthusiasm and commitment. These emotions are not only appearing in our global workforce but also in their families.
With more than 8 percent of the United States’ workers currently unemployed, it is easy to understand why they might be encountering the negative emotions of grief. Often overlooked is the impact on the remaining 92% that are still working. Consider the toll the global recession taking on the survivors.
Sadness
It is easy to assume that those still receiving a paycheck are grateful and happy, and yet when their co-workers are furloughed or downsized they have lost an important relationship and experience a certain level of sadness. Even if their company has managed to keep its workforce intact, most of us know a neighbor or family member who is unemployed and that makes them sad.
Fear
Rejoice, you did not receive the pink slip this month. That might be understandable but is it realistic? Even if there was a sense of relief, it was momentary and quickly replaced by the fear that “I will be next.” No one knows how or where this economic crisis will end or turn around. So the fear that you could be next is real and intense for many.
Guilt
Bereaved parents often wonder why they didn’t die in place of their child. Similarly, those who have jobs may feel similar “survivor” guilt. Your laid off co-worker has a family and you are single. Why them and not you? Or you might be thinking, “If I had worked harder, been more creative, more efficient, more (you fill in the blank), we would not have had to layoff anyone.”
Anger
My world is collapsing around me and I am unable to do anything about it. It’s not my fault so I need someone to blame. So I’m angry with my boss, the owner of the company, President Bush, President Obama, my wife/husband, my kids and the list goes on. There are an endless numbers of real or perceived culprits at whom we can direct our anger.
Why Me?
At some point in this emotional thrill ride this question arises. What did I do to deserve this? Why do bad things happen to good people? Why, why, why? Ask this question often enough and you realize there may not be an answer out there or at least not an acceptable answer.
Now you have reached the crossroads and you are facing two signposts — the one on the left says apathy, while the one on the right says commitment. Come to the conclusion that there is nothing you can do about your lot in life and you will have chosen the road to apathy . This will involve sitting around moaning aboutyour situation and waiting for someone or something to come along and take care of you.
The good news is you have another choice. That other signpost says commitment. It is the choice to do something, anything, to improve your situation. It may be as simple as taking an online course to improve your computer skills or volunteering to be part of the innovation team that will lead your company out of this recession.
It could be more dramatic: launching your own company based on that idea that you have been considering for years, for example. Whatever it is, it is your choice. In one of my darkest moments as a bereaved parent, a good friend told me, “Grief is standard, misery is optional.” It is your decision.
Patrick T. Malone, a Senior Partner with The PAR Group www.thepargroup.com, has more than 35 years experience in operations, customer service, and sales management. Patrick served on the National Board of Compassionate Friends (TCF) from 1999-2005. He served as treasurer from 2000-2003, and was President of the TCF board from 2003-2005. Patrick and his wife Kathy reside in Atlanta, Georgia and are the parents of Bryan, Lance (1970-1995), Scott, Sean and Erin, and the grandparents of Shannah, Devin, Riley, Katie and Megan. Patrick may be contacted at [email protected].
http://www.opentohope.com/grief-and-the-global-economic-challenge/
By Patrick Malone --
Technically, grief is the intense emotional suffering caused by a loss. If you are among those who have suffered the death of a child, spouse, parent or grandparent, you know an intense level of grief that is almost indescribable. There are many among us today who are dealing with grief due to a different kind of loss — the loss of a job, income or savings — and for them it may be the most intense loss they have experienced.
Over the last three decades, we have experienced unprecedented economic growth not only in the United States but around the globe. More than half of the US population has little or no recollection of the economic problems associated with the early 70’s.
The current meltdown of the global economy is creating the same type of intense emotions normally only associated with the loss of a loved one. Sadness, fear, anger, guilt, apathy — and “why me?” — are now as common as openness, interest, enthusiasm and commitment. These emotions are not only appearing in our global workforce but also in their families.
With more than 8 percent of the United States’ workers currently unemployed, it is easy to understand why they might be encountering the negative emotions of grief. Often overlooked is the impact on the remaining 92% that are still working. Consider the toll the global recession taking on the survivors.
Sadness
It is easy to assume that those still receiving a paycheck are grateful and happy, and yet when their co-workers are furloughed or downsized they have lost an important relationship and experience a certain level of sadness. Even if their company has managed to keep its workforce intact, most of us know a neighbor or family member who is unemployed and that makes them sad.
Fear
Rejoice, you did not receive the pink slip this month. That might be understandable but is it realistic? Even if there was a sense of relief, it was momentary and quickly replaced by the fear that “I will be next.” No one knows how or where this economic crisis will end or turn around. So the fear that you could be next is real and intense for many.
Guilt
Bereaved parents often wonder why they didn’t die in place of their child. Similarly, those who have jobs may feel similar “survivor” guilt. Your laid off co-worker has a family and you are single. Why them and not you? Or you might be thinking, “If I had worked harder, been more creative, more efficient, more (you fill in the blank), we would not have had to layoff anyone.”
Anger
My world is collapsing around me and I am unable to do anything about it. It’s not my fault so I need someone to blame. So I’m angry with my boss, the owner of the company, President Bush, President Obama, my wife/husband, my kids and the list goes on. There are an endless numbers of real or perceived culprits at whom we can direct our anger.
Why Me?
At some point in this emotional thrill ride this question arises. What did I do to deserve this? Why do bad things happen to good people? Why, why, why? Ask this question often enough and you realize there may not be an answer out there or at least not an acceptable answer.
Now you have reached the crossroads and you are facing two signposts — the one on the left says apathy, while the one on the right says commitment. Come to the conclusion that there is nothing you can do about your lot in life and you will have chosen the road to apathy . This will involve sitting around moaning aboutyour situation and waiting for someone or something to come along and take care of you.
The good news is you have another choice. That other signpost says commitment. It is the choice to do something, anything, to improve your situation. It may be as simple as taking an online course to improve your computer skills or volunteering to be part of the innovation team that will lead your company out of this recession.
It could be more dramatic: launching your own company based on that idea that you have been considering for years, for example. Whatever it is, it is your choice. In one of my darkest moments as a bereaved parent, a good friend told me, “Grief is standard, misery is optional.” It is your decision.
Patrick T. Malone, a Senior Partner with The PAR Group www.thepargroup.com, has more than 35 years experience in operations, customer service, and sales management. Patrick served on the National Board of Compassionate Friends (TCF) from 1999-2005. He served as treasurer from 2000-2003, and was President of the TCF board from 2003-2005. Patrick and his wife Kathy reside in Atlanta, Georgia and are the parents of Bryan, Lance (1970-1995), Scott, Sean and Erin, and the grandparents of Shannah, Devin, Riley, Katie and Megan. Patrick may be contacted at [email protected].
Different kinds of loss
Feelings of loss are very personal, When my sister was dying and I wanted to be with her, I found myself torn between my burgeoning workload and losing my beloved sister. I didn't know what to do. Until a friend said, "Denise, life has its bumps. Its OK to take time to mourn." Somehow, I needed permission to grieve. And, I did.
Sudden versus predictable loss--
Sudden or shocking losses due to events like crimes, accidents, or suicide can be traumatic. There is no way to prepare. They can challenge your sense of security and confidence in the predictability of life. You may experience symptoms such as sleep disturbance, nightmares, distressing thoughts, depressed mood, social isolation, or severe anxiety.
Predictable losses, like those due to terminal illness, sometimes allow more time to prepare for the loss. However, they create two layers of grief: the grief related to the anticipation of the loss and the grief related to the loss itself.
How long does grief last?
The length of the grief process is different for everyone. There is no predictable schedule for grief. Although it can be quite painful at times, the grief process should not be rushed. It is important to be patient with yourself as you experience your unique reactions to the loss. With time and support, things generally do get better. However, it is normal for significant dates, holidays, or other reminders to trigger feelings related to the loss. Taking care of yourself, seeking support, and acknowledging your feelings during these times are ways that can help you cope.
Grief is normal and there are many normal reactions
When experiencing grief, it is common to:
Grief as a process of healing
It is important to note that the grief process is not linear, but is more often experienced in cycles. Grief is sometimes compared to climbing a spiral staircase where things can look and feel like you are just going in circles, yet you are actually making progress. Being patient with the process and allowing yourself to have any feelings about the loss can help. If you feel stuck in your grief, talking to a counselor or a supportive person may help you move forward in the healing process.
Culture, rituals, and ceremonies
Your cultural background can affect how you understand and approach the grief process. Some cultures anticipate a time to grieve and have developed rituals to help people through the grief process. Grief rituals and ceremonies acknowledge the pain of loss while also offering social support and a reaffirmation of life.You may not be aware of how your own cultural background affects your grief process. Talking with family, friends or clergy is one way to strengthen your awareness of possible cultural influences in your life. Friends and family may be able to help you generate ideas to create your own rituals. Some have found solace in creating their own unconventional ceremonies, such as a funeral or ceremony with personal friends in a private setting.
Coping with grief
Each one of us has an individual style of coping with painful experiences. The list below may help you generate ideas about how to manage your feelings of grief.
Supporting others who are grieving
As the shock of the loss fades, there is a tendency on the part of the griever to feel more pain and sadness. Well-meaning friends may avoid discussing the subject due to their own discomfort with grief or their fear of making the person feel bad. As a result, people who are grieving often feel more isolated or lonely in their grief.People who are grieving are likely to fluctuate between wanting some time to themselves and wanting closeness with others. They may want someone to talk to about their feelings.
Below are some ways that you can help a friend experiencing loss.
Let me come in where you are weeping, friend,
And let me take your hand.
I, who have known a sorrow such as yours, can understand.
Let me come in -- I would be very still beside you in your grief;
I would not bid you cease your weeping, friend,
Tears bring relief. Let me come in -- and hold your hand,
For I have known a sorrow such as yours,
And understand.
--Grace Noll Crowell
Thank you to the University of Texas Counseling and Mental Health Center for this information. https://www.cmhc.utexas.edu/griefloss.html
MYTHS AND FACTS ABOUT GRIEFMYTH: The pain will go away faster if you ignore it.Fact: Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it.
MYTH: It's important to be "be strong" in the face of loss.Fact: Feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn't mean you are weak. You don't need to "protect" your family or friends by putting on a brave front. Showing your true feelings can help them and you.
MYTH: If you don't cry, it means you aren't sorry about the loss.Fact: Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it's not the only one. Those who don't cry may feel the pain just as deeply as others. They may simply have other ways of showing it.
MYTH: Grief should last about a year.Fact: There is no right or wrong time frame for grieving. How long it takes can differ from person to person.
Source: Tulane University Campus Health Services
Feelings of loss are very personal, When my sister was dying and I wanted to be with her, I found myself torn between my burgeoning workload and losing my beloved sister. I didn't know what to do. Until a friend said, "Denise, life has its bumps. Its OK to take time to mourn." Somehow, I needed permission to grieve. And, I did.
- Loss of a close friend
- Death of a partner--a loved one or even a long-time business partner
- Death of a classmate or colleague--I think, "That could be me...life is too short."
- Serious illness of a loved one--Too prevalent.
- Relationship breakup--Sure, we can get over it, but we've given a part of our souls to someone else and it takes time to get it back.
- Death of a family member. Sometimes we feel guilty because we have a part of us that is glad for the death. Other times, it means a big hole in our lives.
- Leaving home/moving out--will you make it?!
- Illness/loss of health--you suddenly realize that life won't be the same again
- Death of a pet--that unconditional love
- Change of job--I may or may not want this,
- Move to a new home--some things in the new house are better, and some things just aren't.
- Graduation from school--wow, am I a grown-up now?
- Loss of a physical ability--devastating.
- Loss of financial security--just too scary.
Sudden versus predictable loss--
Sudden or shocking losses due to events like crimes, accidents, or suicide can be traumatic. There is no way to prepare. They can challenge your sense of security and confidence in the predictability of life. You may experience symptoms such as sleep disturbance, nightmares, distressing thoughts, depressed mood, social isolation, or severe anxiety.
Predictable losses, like those due to terminal illness, sometimes allow more time to prepare for the loss. However, they create two layers of grief: the grief related to the anticipation of the loss and the grief related to the loss itself.
How long does grief last?
The length of the grief process is different for everyone. There is no predictable schedule for grief. Although it can be quite painful at times, the grief process should not be rushed. It is important to be patient with yourself as you experience your unique reactions to the loss. With time and support, things generally do get better. However, it is normal for significant dates, holidays, or other reminders to trigger feelings related to the loss. Taking care of yourself, seeking support, and acknowledging your feelings during these times are ways that can help you cope.
Grief is normal and there are many normal reactions
When experiencing grief, it is common to:
- Feel like you are "going crazy"
- Have difficulty concentrating
- Feel sad or depressed
- Be irritable or angry (at the deceased, oneself, others, higher powers)
- Feel frustrated or misunderstood
- Experience anxiety, nervousness, or fearfulness
- Feel like you want to "escape"
- Experience guilt or remorse
- Be ambivalent
- Feel numb
- Lack energy and motivation
Grief as a process of healing
It is important to note that the grief process is not linear, but is more often experienced in cycles. Grief is sometimes compared to climbing a spiral staircase where things can look and feel like you are just going in circles, yet you are actually making progress. Being patient with the process and allowing yourself to have any feelings about the loss can help. If you feel stuck in your grief, talking to a counselor or a supportive person may help you move forward in the healing process.
Culture, rituals, and ceremonies
Your cultural background can affect how you understand and approach the grief process. Some cultures anticipate a time to grieve and have developed rituals to help people through the grief process. Grief rituals and ceremonies acknowledge the pain of loss while also offering social support and a reaffirmation of life.You may not be aware of how your own cultural background affects your grief process. Talking with family, friends or clergy is one way to strengthen your awareness of possible cultural influences in your life. Friends and family may be able to help you generate ideas to create your own rituals. Some have found solace in creating their own unconventional ceremonies, such as a funeral or ceremony with personal friends in a private setting.
Coping with grief
Each one of us has an individual style of coping with painful experiences. The list below may help you generate ideas about how to manage your feelings of grief.
- Talk to family or friends
- Seek counseling
- Read poetry or books
- Engage in social activities
- Exercise
- Eat healthy, good foods
- Seek spiritual support
- Take time to relax
- Join a support group
- Listen to music
- Be patient with yourself
- Let yourself feel grief
Supporting others who are grieving
As the shock of the loss fades, there is a tendency on the part of the griever to feel more pain and sadness. Well-meaning friends may avoid discussing the subject due to their own discomfort with grief or their fear of making the person feel bad. As a result, people who are grieving often feel more isolated or lonely in their grief.People who are grieving are likely to fluctuate between wanting some time to themselves and wanting closeness with others. They may want someone to talk to about their feelings.
Below are some ways that you can help a friend experiencing loss.
- Be a good listener
- Ask about their feelings
- Just sit with them
- Share your feelings
- Ask about their loss
- Remember the loss
- Make telephone calls
- Acknowledge the pain
- Let them feel sad
- Be available when you can
- Do not minimize grief
- Talk about your own losses
Let me come in where you are weeping, friend,
And let me take your hand.
I, who have known a sorrow such as yours, can understand.
Let me come in -- I would be very still beside you in your grief;
I would not bid you cease your weeping, friend,
Tears bring relief. Let me come in -- and hold your hand,
For I have known a sorrow such as yours,
And understand.
--Grace Noll Crowell
Thank you to the University of Texas Counseling and Mental Health Center for this information. https://www.cmhc.utexas.edu/griefloss.html
MYTHS AND FACTS ABOUT GRIEFMYTH: The pain will go away faster if you ignore it.Fact: Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it.
MYTH: It's important to be "be strong" in the face of loss.Fact: Feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn't mean you are weak. You don't need to "protect" your family or friends by putting on a brave front. Showing your true feelings can help them and you.
MYTH: If you don't cry, it means you aren't sorry about the loss.Fact: Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it's not the only one. Those who don't cry may feel the pain just as deeply as others. They may simply have other ways of showing it.
MYTH: Grief should last about a year.Fact: There is no right or wrong time frame for grieving. How long it takes can differ from person to person.
Source: Tulane University Campus Health Services
